Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Which Way Is Up

Yikes, ya'll! It has been awhile since I have posted...but the last one is a quasi-rant that I am proud of. I haven't had time to wrangle and reply to my comments, so please bear with me. I am also busy working on other blogging projects...one will be viewable Thursday...and the other will be a little later.

The concept that I deserve to be happy is something that I am still trying to self-feed myself...and it's working. I think I have let a lot of things go that I have been holding on to. Not everything...but I'm trying.

I have SO much material for awesome posts, that I don't know where to start. So instead, I am going to shoot for some interactive comments while I am finishing up my two important blogging projects.


What does everyone think of the double standard...where men are being men if they sleep around or are overtly flirtatious, but women are sluts or whores if they act this way?

The kicker is that I want to know what shaped your opinion? Religion, family, pop culture...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Quasi-Rant

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a horse," or, "that's a lot of money for "just a horse." This is especially more difficult for me to bear since tragically losing those two horses in March. I still have nightmares and flashbacks...

They don't understand the multitude of emotions involved, the distance traveled, the endless time spent, or the extreme expense involved for "just a horse."

Some of my proudest moments involve "just a horse."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a horse," but I did not once feel slighted. I was honored.


Honestly, my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a horse", and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a horse" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. Or to keep living.


If you, too, think it's "just a horse," then you probably have little comprehension of phrases like "just a friend," "just a love," or "just a promise."


"Just a horse" breathes into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy.


"Just a horse" generates the compassion and patience that make me a better person...makes me strive to be a better person.


Because of "just a horse" I will rise early, take long walks, and look longingly to the future.


So for me, and those like me, it's not "just a horse," but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.


"Just a horse" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from negativity and the worries of the day.


I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a horse" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a girl."


So the next time you hear the phrase "just a horse" smile, because they "just" don't understand.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Where'd The Time Go?

I thought I was going to be able to continue Monday's post on Tuesday, but obviously that didn't happen. Probably won't happen until later tonight or tomorrow.

Check out Central Snark...some of the cool people are amassing there.

I am seriously considering switching to WP...if I do, ya'll will know.

Shayna has been asking her readers who she should interview next...



This cowgirl needs to finish getting ready for work, so I leave you with this question: Have any of you been able to go back to being friends after crossing "that" line?

Monday, June 19, 2006

The Rundown

Life has been busy, busy, busy. Not as hectic as it was when I was on the road most of the year showing horses, but still way faster paced than the way that I have been living since I moved back to my hometown in December.

Saturday night was the first time ever that I think that my father and I have ever really talked.

Seriously.

I sold one of the colts I had in training (yay! commission money), and the buyers are on the east coast, so they used a professional horse hauler to take the horse they purchased sight unseen to his new home. This hauler uses semis and special air-ride horse trailers that can carry 15 horses.



The haulers had called on Friday to let me know that they would be arriving somewhere between 10 PM and Midnight Saturday night. Whenever they roll through is when they pick up the horses...I've had horses picked up or dropped off at all hours; many times I have slept in my clothes, waiting for my "one hour to destination" call that tells me I better wake up, roll out of bed, put a ball cap on and pull my boots on so that I can go to the barn and start wrapping legs and double checking paper work.

I received my one hour to destination call around 8:45PM; the hauler is a buddy of mine, so I told him he could take his rest here at the farm...him and his father would also be able to water all of the horses on the load and replace hay bags. So I didn't need to wrap the colts legs for at least an hour after they pulled in the drive.

So I hung out with my dad on their front porch, drinking beer and shooting the shit. I figured, what the hell, it was Father's Day the next day. Plus, he was half-way lit, and actually being a NICE drinker. But there are reasons I can count the number of times I have drank with my father on only one hand.

We didn't delve into too deep of conversation before the haulers got there...talked mainly about jobs and horses. Mainly horses...how I was sick of the people in the society show horse world, and how I was thinking of selling all of my show clothes and tack. And that's THOUSANDS of dollars of equipment. But why the hell have it when I don't want to use it.

I just want to have the passion back that I had when I was younger, totally devoted to just my horse and enjoying the ride.

Something I have been wanting to do is to get a serious barrel horse to compete on, and he was all for it...even gave me the thumbs up on buying a new gooseneck trailer through the corporation...which I could do anyway, but it's nice when we don't fight over stuff.

After about an hour, two beers, and a handful of pretzels, I noticed the rig coming down the road, lights glowing from the windows of the trailer. It was showtime.

-Continued tomorrow-

Thursday, June 15, 2006

123rd Post

Yep, this is my 123rd post in this blog. Not impressive at all, but I thought it was cool that the numerical order was 123. Uh huh, doesn't take much sometimes to amuse this cowgirl...

Oy, I am hoping I have came to a conclusion about jobs...I took a lot of your comments to heart, and figured that I should just pick one, because what are the odds I'll be there in five years anyway?

I decided to go with my heart, and should be starting my new job within the next few weeks, when the guy I am replacing finally has his last day. I've been using a functional resume this time around, and I have to say, I LOVE functional resumes.

Excitement is setting in, because I already know a lot of the people who work for this corporation, and I will be able to go to lunch with Bree everyday if so desired. Plus, I can wear jeans on Fridays, and at this place, casual business wear and cleavage is in. Yay!

Until then, I am going to continue to do some graphic design work, and spend a few hours a day during the week helping out a friend that is a lawyer while his personal administrative assistant is on vacation.

And of course, I am going to keep three horses in training...but that is my limit. Three. Some people are not happy about that, but tough. They don't own me.


~*~*~*~*~

Good news...I have been invited to join the women's ensemble group at church. Why is this a big deal? Because I am the only twenty something to ever be asked to join! Plus, Bree was also asked to join, and we perform at a lot of big events, sometimes around the country. Practice is every Sunday after the last service at church (ours has several), so looks like I'll be spending even more time there.

I swear, Bree and I are salt and pepper shakers. Can't go anywhere without being asked where the other one is, or how they are doing. And honestly, we don't spend but a few hours a day together while we work out. With the exception of the weekends.

Most people that don't know any better think we are related or ask if we are sisters.

Perhaps we are.

Monday, June 12, 2006

Under Pressure

So far I am still in the dark about who it was from the 101st Sustainment Brigade that was killed...my high school best friend has heard nothing so far. Which is a good sign. I pray.

Thanks for all of your kind words of support. I truly appreciate it.
~*~*~*~*~
I am too damn indecisive when it comes to certain things...

What job I want is currently at the top of the list. I said yes to one job, then another was offered to me a few hours later...and now there are two more. Four rallying for my attention...and silly me can't just pick one. Nooooo....... I have to make lists and weigh pros and cons. My main priorities are met by each job, making it even more difficult. I think I did whittle it down between two jobs due to location; just don't want to be to far from the resemblance of a life I am finally starting to have again.

But now my head and my heart are disagreeing about which job gets the final ok.

For such a take charge, grab life by the horns girl, I sure as hell could use a kick in the ass sometimes.
~*~*~*~*~

I feel awful....my friend Bree's cousin has this thing for me, and for several months, he has been working up the courage to tell me, despite his knowing how I feel about him already. Which is that he is a wonderful friend. He is so sweet, but I have no attraction to him. Nil.

After hanging out with us all night - drinking, singing karaoke, and making fun of stupid people - our group disbanded and headed home. Me and my girl were very happy and feeling nicely toasted while our DD - her awesome mom - was amused by our antics, as we continue to dissect the evening, laughing about some of the things guys say to try to get into your pants. Or at least a phone number.

Then Bree's cousin calls her cell phone.

He told her what he was going to say, then she handed her cell to me.

I think you are the sexiest woman I have ever met.

And I GIGGLED.

I feel awful, because I know how hard that was. He was being sincere.


(sorry, took the pic down)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

A Cowgirl Update

I feel like I am neglecting my family when I am too busy to post and keep up to date on blogs. I seriously barely have time to type this update while I am getting ready to head out the door yet again. I am missing my blogging buddies!

Life has me running everywhere...plus my parent's anniversary was this weekend - they are gone on a trip, leaving me, myself, and I to do all of the chores and two households of critters to take care of. That is two pastures full of cattle, their dog and cats, my dogs and cat, the barn cats, the shop dog, my horse and the three horses I am training, and all of our chickens. And on top of that, there are the critters my mom is rehabbing (she is a wildlife rehabber) and all of the damn bird feeders.

Throw in a busy weekend of parties, clothes shopping, and other silly stuff stacked on top of my usual weekend, and it's delightful. But I am not complaining...just feeling like I need a clone so at least one of us can get some sleep. Or so that we can take turns.

My kids won their game...and no one has called me a bitch yet!

~*~*~*~

Been a little nervous since I just found out a soldier from the 101st Sustainment Brigade was killed in Iraq Friday...one was also injured. My Ethan and my high school best friend's husband are both in subordinate units of the 101st Sustainment Brigade. I had to re-read that line several times...my heart sank and my stomach is in knots.

My cell phone is sitting in front of me, starring at me to call my best friend...but I am almost too scared to do so, as I am positive she has heard this information and is beside herself. What if I call...and find out it was her husband or my Ethan that was killed or injured? Or one of the guys I have been writing letters and sending care packages to?

Shit.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Still Around

Life's been a little crazy lately...blogging has had to go to the back burner, as I have had job interviews and other parts of life pushing that to the side. Which perhaps is good. I've been keeping too busy to get into trouble.

The job interviews have been going well; have a follow up interview this afternoon for one of the ones I went to on Tuesday. Taking that as a good sign.

These are the kinds of jobs I can't blog at...but perhaps I will be able to get something together in the morning when I am drinking that first much needed cup of coffee.

Nothing else too exciting has been going on...seem to be talking to a so-called long lost friend in Ohio a lot lately. Loving that.

If I do get one of these jobs, I will be making three times what I am making now. But it also means I am going to have to do some major shopping for working-in-a-corporate-office-wear, as I don't think cut-offs, a tank top, and flip flops are going to go over well.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Name Calling

Language is such a dynamic process. Everything effects it. From parents, school, TV, what region one lives in, and to what activities one is in involved in and everything in between...from how we pronounce words to what words we are pronouncing...all are accumulated throughout our lives.

Ya hay bag, where the hell have you been lately? A horsey friend of mine bellowed across the Super Wal-Mart parking lot. Yes, she called me a hay bag...must be some equine equivalent to ho bag. Although there is most definitely a big difference between a hay bag, something used to keep hay hung up in, and a ho bag.

A hay net...cheaper version of a hay bag. I know some.

A friend's Paint horse enjoying his hay bag. Bet he never calls his mommy one.

I am home getting ready to go to two job interviews today...and a stupid robin is still flying into one of my bay windows. Which it has been doing since 7AM...and I am seriously wondering how much drain bamage it is going to end up with.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Front Porch Sittin'

A week ago, Bree and I were hanging out on her front porch, watching the one squad car on duty drive past every ten minutes. This is something we do practically every other night now that it is warmer. But this night was interesting, as she asked me what decade I would like to have lived in. This of course turned into an indepth and interesting conversation.

Her answer was the Roaring 20's, which didn't really surprise me, as she has an addiction of collecting hats and haircombs from that time, and there is no doubt in my mind that she would have been one of the most provocative Flappers if she had lived during that time. Although she would never have colored her blonde hair black, I could see her thriving in the speakeasys, participating in dance marathons, and fighting for women's right to vote. I'm sure I would be right there next to her, the salt and pepper shakers that we are. And I am sure with our personalities, we would be causing trouble. Or the cause of it.

Why they called it bootlegging.

The last hoorah before the Great Depression, the 1920's was a time of economic prosperity...full of good music, gangsters, bootlegging, and influential inventors and writers. I am sure if I had been around during this time, I would have been a songbird. Well, Bree and I would probably be an act.

My answer to this I made too difficult, as I of course wanted to make sure I got to choose what social and economic position I was in, as there were some decades that I would not have wanted to be poor. Like anyone wants to be poor. The Roaring 20's would be ok, but I think I would have loved to be in an era where horses were the primary transportation. Like the Victorian Era, or perhaps during the medieval period. Although, I doubt my personality would have been appreciated then. I think I would have made an awesome gun-slinging cowgirl too... but honestly I would just want to have Bree as my friend. No matter the decade.

So what decade would you have liked to live in? Any particular reason why?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Overflow

Auntie Shayna has been blessed with a nephew.

Congratulazioni, Marina, for being the winner of Shayna's lyric contest.

Cooper is 21! So when do I get to take you out, Cowgirl style?




It was POURING yesterday...had quite the adventure spraying water with my truck while hurrying to choir practice. And of course the baseball practice was cancelled.

There is standing water everywhere. Plus most of the waterways are no longer grass, but flowing rivers through the fields.

Never understood why they were called waterways, until the first time I remember it flooded.

When I was younger, my brother and I would take our little flat bottom aluminum boat and see how far we could get in the overflow. Usually, we could make it all the way to our pond or to the creek. And sometimes we ended up in a ditch...

I miss seeing my twin brother all of the time. We did a decent job of entertaining each other when we were little.

Even in Jr. High, I was always defending him and threatening to kick anyone's ass who bothered him. In high school, he finally grew taller, and was able to fend for himself. Not that he was a wuss or anything.

Or perhaps by then everyone was too afraid of me. Geesh, now I sound like a bad ass.

~*~*~

Been spending some time looking for a different job...considering I decided I just might stay around here for awhile.

And I just might rent a house or get an apartment instead of living on the farm in my grandparent's old farmhouse. I'm starting to feel a little suffocated by the fact that my parents just walk in the door whenever they want. Technically, it is their house...but now it is just plain annoying.

~*~*~

Perhaps more later. Did find this interesting: Batwoman Is Back As A Lesbian.