Sunday, March 26, 2006

Numb


Perfectly describes me since Friday night around 8PM. I am numb. Perhaps I should be heartbroken, sad, enraged, distraught... an endless list of words could describe watching two horses that I loved with all of my heart suffer. But there are no words.

Gotta get out of here. Everything I see reminds me of Friday night. It keeps replaying in my mind in slow motion. Eating repulses me. All I want to do is drink, as this makes the images go away. Sleeping scares me, as I relive every moment in sporadic, unorganized patterns until I wake myself up, run to the barn, and cry until there are no tears because it was not a nightmare - it is the evil truth.

This place doesn't sing anything but tragedy. Can't figure out why I can't catch a break. No matter what I do, it seems like life is punishing me. What am I doing so wrong, that they needed to suffer?

7 Comments:

Blogger Rude1 said...

Hey,
I know sometimes it seems that way, but you're not being punished. I'm here if you need to talk. Cheers

9:31 AM  
Anonymous shayna said...

Hope things are going better for you, darlin'. :)

10:22 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

Aw, sorry to hear.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

It's better, considering. But everywhere I go people are talking about my horses being hit. This wasn't some little thing - it was graphic. I could describe every detail, sound, smell, etc, but I won't. 99% of this world wouldn't have been able to deal with what I did.

All day today I have been on the phone with insurance companies, and I just want to go hide.

People ask me "are you ok?" and I just look at them - they don't need me to speak.

12:20 PM  
Anonymous Shelleigh (Pixie) said...

WAIT! What the hell happened??????? OMG!

Honey....

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Shelleigh (Pixie) said...

We need to talk.

I love you.

I really, really do.

2:48 AM  
Blogger Miz BoheMia said...

I am with Shalleigh here, what happened??!?!? If you need to talk behind the scenes ever, know that I am there sweet lady! I so hope all is ok!!!

5:19 AM  

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