Monday, March 20, 2006

Just Breathe

Anna Nalick

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

~Update 6:45PM~ Just when life is getting peachy, it feels like hell again.

Hatred. Absolute hatred is pumping through my veins. Spent late last night and into the ugly, overcast morning holding someone, trying to put band-aids on bullet wounds. Crying out of pain, anger, frustration, fear. Felt guilty as tattered pages of my past tried to overshadow my friend's tragic new chapter in her life. Too many have chapters much like ours. Deep, harrowing passages, kept all too often guarded like a locked diary of a damaged soul. Daylight never sees the darkness; hiding, ashamed. Violated.

Barely 16 years old, she reaches out to me. Someone she knows won't judge her, blame her... Her innocence is lost, stolen by some rat bastard that better hope he can out run me when I finally track his ass down. Be forewarned and nervous.

Reporting it was not an option in her eyes. Rape all too often turns the victim into the accused; something that can feel worse than being raped. She won't tell her parents... which I sadly understand. This pain is all too real to me. Beyond familiar. She knew I would support her and protect her secret. A secret that should have never been hers to keep.

The bruises on her tiny, freckled arms make me want to vomit. I haven't been able to eat all day; although I think that it is influenced by my past as well as hers. This gorgeous girl weighs all of 90 pounds. This will haunt her as it haunts me. Her pain is worse than mine; at least I wasn't a virgin. What she had was stolen. Unreturnable.



She decided to tell her mom and report the rape. Just FYI. Being able to feel like she was not alone made her decide to report it, in hopes that he wouldn't do it again. I am still gonna find his ass...


Anonymous Shelleigh (Pixie) said...

I'm sorry... but my fucking god. REPORT it. RAPE IS RAPE.


6:24 PM  
Anonymous Shelleigh (Pixie) said...

I am telling you. NO, I am demanding that you report it. It will haunt you forever if it does not. I have been on both sides of that coin sister... reporting it was the redemtion. Not reporting it was the gravel I ate, the hate that nearly killed me.

I'm serious.

NOTHING is going to make this better, there IS however a chance to make it less wrong.

I am pleading with you to handle this correctly. LEARN FROM MANY WOMEN'S PASTS.

6:27 PM  
Anonymous shayna said...

This is something that needs to be handled very carefully... VERY!!!!

1.800.656.HOPE is awesome...

She needs help... needs it! If I had only spoke up and handled the situation better for Tara she would still be here today.

Even if you have to do it anonymously... it is the right thing to do. Whatever help you need... I will help!

6:42 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

I already gave her the info on the hotlines, and the number to a friend that is a therapist. I'll call her and try to get her to report it. I know what she is going through. So I understand where she is coming from. Not that you don't.

If I have to do something I will - maybe talk to her mom about approaching her about the bruises she is hiding.

7:00 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

Thank GOD you were there to help her and get it reported. BTW, if you need any help taking care of the rotten pile of shite, just call me; a little (no, a BIG) a$$ whooping is in order. I will gladly help you hunt the SOB down.

My prayers are with you and your friend.

10:24 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

Thanks Rude1. I appreciate the backup. But I want first crack.

10:27 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

I'll gladly give you first crack, I just want to back you up and wipe him up after you're done and spit in his eye. You deserve first shot, Ill just sit back, watxh your six, and laugh at the pile of shite.

stay strong.

10:33 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

I need someone to watch my six. Because they might have to bail me out of jail!

Thank you. I keep hearing that I am strong, but somehow in my heart I feel like it is a facade. Maybe not.

10:37 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

I don't know you except from your blog, but I definataly get the impression your tough. But, that doesn't mean you can't feel. If your heart doesn't ache when such a tradgey strikes (and especially for one whose been there) then you have something to worry about.

Your not getting hit with more harsh weather are you? Haven't you all had your share? :)

10:41 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

We are under a blizzard WARNING. Been watching the salt trucks for the last few hours.

ICK! Spring has not spring here.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

I am tough. Been raised that way. I can walk the walk AND talk the talk. Had to. Survival around here necessitates it.

I don't think I am a bad-ass, but I sure as hell can kick some ass. And look cute doing it.

That's why 1500 pound half-crazed animals don't scare me. I'll ride anything (once lol).

10:48 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

We've had a few blizzards the last couple of days, but not too bad right now. Did you folks piss off someone upstairs or something? Sorry to get off topic.

I truly hope your friend gets through this with as little permanent damage as possible. No one should have to go through that. I cant tell you how badly I despise those who do such things. Makes me wish for the days of old when a Winchester or Colt would take care of the problem

10:50 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

You sound like my gramps! He wanted to hang horse thieves too!

I think someone did piss the God(des)es off, because they JUST got power back on yesterday.

There goes another salt truck. Aren't they wasting it after a few laps? IDOT, so much wisdom there.

I think someone has a weather machine trying to sabotage the gubernatorial party voting tomorrow.

10:54 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

LOL! You sound like a girl I dated a LONG time ago! I remember after one rodeo we were walking around the grounds and came across the bulls. She climbed the fence and was half way in before one of the wranglers ran us off! LOL, as a guy, I wanted to "protect" her, but she taught me that she didnt need me for that, but just to back her up. hehehehe, I still remember her so clearly nearly 20 years later...

10:54 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

Being raised in a military family has a little to do with thr toughness. But honestly, the showing horses at such a high level so young really made me tough. Mentally and physically. So much about life is mental.

Plus, some of my past makes me who I am. Showing weakness means vulnerability. And that is why I know how to handle myself.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

You're so right. I'll check back in a few, I have a couple of whiny dogs who want to go out for a bit (big babies LOL)

11:01 PM  
Blogger Cowgirl said...

Rude1 - feel free to email me anytime at patriotic_cowgirl99atyahoodotcom

11:13 PM  
Blogger Rude1 said...

cool, thanks! I sent you a note.

11:29 PM  
Anonymous ME, the bitch on wheels when necessary. said...

I just pray this turns out okay for "barely 16" ... and I don't give a shit whether I look cute stomping his worthless fucking face in the mud or not.

Truth is truth.

I want to be a part of nothing less.

Blessings y'all.

2:03 AM  
Blogger EsotericWombat said...

It is situations such as these where I reject entirely the notion that violence is inherently bad. I look down on no one for delighting in this man's blood on their hands.

I wouldn't fault anyone for inserting a slender glass tube into his urethra and hitting his dick with a hammer.

7:56 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

Good God. I'm really sorry.

8:37 AM  

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