Saturday, February 04, 2006

I Never Meant To be So Cold

The weather sucks, and I already ran my 2 miles for the day (gotta be stealth) so I was jamming to the radio while I looked over some human anatomy books. Then damn the luck, the song "Cold" by Crossfade comes on.
As soon as it started, I cringed.

"Looking back at me I see that I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in things I cannot win"

I start to think, man I miss Bobby. UGH!

"I never meant to be so cold
I never really wanted you to see the screwed up side of me that I keep locked up inside of me so deep"

Ah, man. "I never meant to be so cold."

I LOVE this song, but the meaning to me still stings. One of the things that I am still trying to figure out is why I seem to push away from boyfriends/friends when they get too close. I do not have walls up until they get to a certain part, and I think that in some act of protection of myself I keep it in lock down. Access denied. I need to get over this or I am going to end up having a life full of songs like this.

Ok, perhaps not. But I am stupid for walking away because he was a little clingy. Everyone wants someone that loves them for who they are, right? Well this guy did. He accepted me warts and all, and my comfort level with him was freakishly comfortable.


Blogger Anesha said...

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9:17 PM  

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